Then your Boss says Cool Site
1.Judy Smith, my assistant, can always be found hard at work in her station. Judy works independently, without 3.wasting hospital time talking to colleagues. Judy never thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and she always 5.finishes given assignments on time. Often, Judy takes extended measures to complete her work, sometimes skipping coffee 7.breaks. Judy is an individual who has absolutely no vanity in spite of her high accomplishments and profound 9.knowledge in her field. I firmly believe that Judy can be classed as a high-caliber employee, the type which cannot be 11.dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Judy be promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be 13.executed as soon as possible.
Regards - Charge Nurse
Shortly thereafter, the HR department received the following memo from the Charge Nurse:
Sorry, but that idiot (Judy) was reading over my shoulder while I wrote the report sent to you earlier today. Kindly read only the odd numbered lines for my true assessment of her...
It is with the saddest heart that I have to pass on the following:
Please join me in remembering a great icon. Veteran Pillsbury spokesperson, The Pillsbury Doughboy, died yesterday of a severe yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes to the belly. He was 71.
Doughboy was buried in a slightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out, including Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, Captain Crunch and others.
The graveside was pile high with flours as longtime friend, Aunt Jemima, delivered the eulogy, describing Doughboy as a man who "never knew how much he was kneaded."
Doughboy rose quickly in show business but his later life was filled with many turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, even still, as a crusty old man, he was considered a roll model for millions.
Toward the end it was hoped that he'd rise once again, but that hope was burned to a crisp when he fell flat and just could not rise again. Doughboy is survived by his second wife, Play Dough. They have two children and one in the oven.
The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.
You will Like this.
TOLD YOU
A nursing assistant, floor nurse, and charge nurse from a small nursing home were taking a lunch break in the break room. In walks a lady dressed in silk scarfs and wearing large polished stoned jewlery.
"I am 'Gina the Great'," stated the lady. "I am so pleased with the way you have taken care of my aunt that I will now grant the next three wishes!" With a wave of her hand and a puff of smoke, the room was filled with flowers, fruit and bottles of drink, proving that she did have the power to grant wishes before any of the nurses could think otherwise.
The nurses quickly argued among themselves as to which one would ask for the first wish. Speaking up, the nursing assistant wished first. "I wish I were on a tropical island beach, with single, well-built men feeding me fruit and tending to my every need." With a puff of smoke, the nursing assistant was gone.
The floor nurse went next."I wish I were rich and retired and spending my days in my own warm cabin at a ski resort with well groomed men feeding me coccoa and doughnuts." With a puff of smoke, she too was gone.
"Now, what is the last wish?" asked the lady.
The charge nurse said," I want those two back on the floor at the end of the lunch break."
An elderly woman moves into a nursing home. Her daughter helps her unpack and get settled in. After a few days, the woman notices a male resident who sits out on the porch every day, all by himself. She decides to go over and talk to him. She asks if she can sit with him awhile. He looks at her for a second and says, "Yeah, you can, but only if you'll hold me." At first she's horrified and outraged. But then she thinks, "He's lonely, I'm lonely..." Finally, she agrees. She gets a blanket to put over their laps and she sits next to him every day. After a few weeks, her daughter comes to take her mother for a weekend visit. When the woman returns to the nursing home, the first thing she sees is the man on the porch next to another elderly woman. They have a blanket across their laps. The first woman knows what the second woman is doing. She storms up the steps and starts yelling at the man."What does SHE have that I don't have?!" she screams.The man just smiles and says, "Parkinson's."
Just be surprised!
A guy walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check. He marched straight up to the counter and said, "Hi. You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job." The social worker behind the counter said, "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter. You'll have to drive around in his 2007 Mercedes-Benz CL, and he will supply all of your clothes." Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips. This is rather awkward to say but you will also have, as part of your job, to satisfy her sexual urges as the daughter is in her mid-20's and has a rather strong sex drive. A two-bedroom loft type apartment with plasma TV, stereo, bar, etc. located above the garage will be designated for your sole use and the salary is $200,000 a year." The guy, just plain wide-eyed, said, "You're bullshittin' me!" The social worker said, "Yea, well... you started it."
Dad was in the field ploughing when he noticed Mary run into the barn. A few seconds later, Bruce runs into the barn after her. After about 20 minutes they still haven't come out of the barn, So Dad decides to see what they are doing. As he walks into the barn he sees Bruce on top of Mary and he was going to town, Dad thinks to himself that dirty b*stard and picks up a shovel and whacks Bruce on the butt with it. Bruce jumps up and runs outside. Mary was still lying on the floor trying to cover up her modesty, Dad looked down at her and said, "I didn't think you had it in you Mary." "Neither did I, Dad," said Mary, "until you hit him on the butt with the shovel."
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